Captain Kerosene

In my "The Captain" post, I mentioned one of the names the Captain tried to use, but couldn't due to some else having the name, was Captain Kerosene. So, he is the guy who has that name.
History
Through unknown means, the Brit Gulliver Jones gained powers similar to the original Human Torch. As such, he would occasionally "ghost" for Human Torch during World War II. This reason this was due to his powers not being reliable. He worked with S.T.R.I.K.E. (Special Tactical Reserve for International Key Emergencies), a British S.H.I.E.L.D., until they disbanded. Kerosene didn't have good relations with S.T.R.I.K.E.'s replacements such as R.C.X (Resources Control Executive) despite working for them. He attempted to visit Jack Smithers, an old ally of his, when Jack was dying. However, Jack was kidnapped either by Mullarkey, Mys-Tech or both of them. Jones attempted to join D.U.C.K. (Department of Unknown and Covert Knowledge), but was dismissed as being unneeded. Kerosene was among the heroes fighting a rampaging Sleeper named Tommy. Kerosene used his full powers and seemly killed himself, Tommy and Plasmer. However, Kerosene and Tommy reassembles their bodies. Later, Timmy reformed and joined the heroes in defeating the remaining Sleepers. Captain Kerosene was nearly killed when he attempted to kill Aftermath, the final Sleeper, but was saved by Doorman.
Powers
Captain Kerosene can generate fire and fly. His powers were originally unstable. As such, he didn't attempt to test or push the limits of these powers. However, he now has control over his powers. Captain Kerosene is also immortal. As such, he was able to reassemble his body when it was turned to ash and regenerate back to normal.
References:
http://marvel.wikia.com/Gulliver_Jones_(Earth-616)
http://marvel.wikia.com/Department_of_Unknown_and_Covert_Knowledge_(Earth-616)

"Hairy Polarity and the Sinister Sorcery Satire" Rebuttal

For those unaware, Hairy Polarity and the Sinister Sorcery Satire is a parody of Harry Potter by Tim Todd. The comic is about a group of friends going into the world of their favorite novel series Hairy Polarity only to discover the "magic" is the work of demons. While the comic is idiotic by itself, I am going to rebut the ending, where Tim Todd gives 20 complaints about Harry Potter. Let's get this out of the way: it isn't an attack on religion just on the complaints in the comics.

"Sacrificing animals"

They never did that. There is a scene where they transform animals into other forms. However, "sacrificing" implies killing the animals (which never happened).

"Emphasizing power regardless of good or evil"

If that was the case, why are the good and moralistic teens are the hero and the powerful and evil wizard the villains?

"Offering blood sacrifices"

The people who did that are among the villains.

"Cutting off the hand of a living person for a ritual"

That never happened.

"Boiling what seems to be a baby alive in a cauldron"

Did you read the book or see the movies? Because, that never happened.

"Being possessed by demons"

Professor Quirrell wasn't possessed by a demon. He was possessed by a wizard. In addition, this is not portrayed as normal or good for wizards. 

"Interacting with werewolves and vampires"

The werewolf is portrayed as being a victim of his powers. So, the werewolf is unwilling thus implying being a werewolf and turning people into them is terrible. The vampires have only a minor part in the plot to the point they were omitted from the movies.

"Bringing an evil wizard back from the dead through the shedding of blood"

I will admit this happened in the books and movies. However, Voldemort (the resurrected wizard) is the villain. To be a villain, he and his minions have to do evil or amoral things. You are complaining about the bad guy being bad.

"Projecting or traveling without transportation" and "Casting spells and levitation"

It's about wizards and witches. As such, it needs to have magic spells in it. This is like complaining about superheroes being able to do superhuman abilities.

"Shifting humans into animal forms"

This is a common superpower. This ability has been used by characters from mythology, comic and various forms of fiction such as Beast Boy and Animorphs. Why don't you complain about characters being lift more than a normal human while you at it?

"Divining by crystal gazing"

Using a crystal ball to see the future is a common trope in fiction. 

"Telling lies, stealing, breaking rules and cheating advocated in wizard ethics by copying another student's homework"

Firstly, when did they copy someone else's work? Secondly, they ended breaking the rules because otherwise the story would be boring. There is a reason why the Average Joe that follows all the rules in rarely focused on. 

"Approving of astrology"

Very few people actually take astrology seriously. While people do read horoscope and such, they do not literally believe that the stars can shape fate. 

"Teaching that people can exist without their souls"

Again, Voldemort is the villain. You are complaining about the villains doing what villains are suppose to do: be evil or at least be amoral.

"Communing with the dead and dead souls living with in people"

That never happened.

"Taking mood-altering drugs used by real witches and shamans"

Have you read or seen the book or movies? They never took mood-altering drugs. There was unusual and magical foods such as the chocolate frog. However, none of the food were "mood-altering drugs".

"Using the 'Hand of Glory,' a grisly occult artifact, the severed hand of a hanged murderer: lighting the fingers as candles and placing it in  a house causing the occupants to fall into spells"

Firstly, while it is in the book and movies, the origin of the hand is even explained. Secondly, it so insignificant that it had one scene in the eight movies. Thirdly, in the book, it gets used by the villains. Villains have to do some evil you know.
"Using magic charms"

Of course, they use magic charms. It is a story about magic. Complaining about using magic charms in the story is like complaining about futuristic gadgets in Star Trek.

"Believing death to be just the 'next great adventure.'"

In the battle of Hogwarts against Voldemort's forces, many people die. However, Voldemort's killing of these people are portrayed as a villainous act. As such, it is not treated as the "next great adventure". 

References:

http://ari-potter.tripod.com/HairyPolarity/pg33.jpg

The Four

Best image I could find

Here is group of characters that are based on the Fantastic Four. However, the Four (unlike Fantastic Four) are the main villains of Planetary.
History
They were part of Artemis, a secret 1961 moon launch. However, "a rift in the fabric of the universe" teleported to another planet. This planet's inhabitants were powergul and paranoid about the Earth due its super humans. Dowling promised to suppress super humans on Earth in exchanged for super powers. The inhabitants agreed and told to spend up to 50 years to prepare the Earth to be destroyed. When this will happen, they would be allowed to travel against Multiverse. When they got back to Earth, they began their scheme by using various methods to suppress humanity's advancement. They have fought Planetary, who posed a threat to their fan. When the deadline was coming up, Randall kidnapped Planetary member Elijah Snow and blocked his memory. However, Snow was saved by Planetary. When his memory returned, Snow re-tasked Planetary for the sole purpose of fighting (and eventually destroy) the Four.
Members

• Jacob Greene- He was turned into a grotesque monster. As such, he had to cut himself from the humanity. He was stranded into deep space by Elijah Snow. He is super strong and invulnerable. 
• Kim Süskind- She is a Nazi sciencist's daughter. She has force field creation and invisibility. She is seen as the most dangerous members. Snow killed her. 
• Randall Dowling- He was amoral sciencist even before he gained his powers. He has telepathic abilities that allows to "leave a piece of his consciousness" in the minds of people within 100 ft of him. He was killed by Snow. 
• Willaim Leather- He has enegry manipulation and can fly. Despite doing all the clean-up work, he is resentful of Randall and was planning to turned on him. He was tortured by Snow for infomation and is currently going through thearpy.

References:
http://www.comicvine.com/the-four/4060-40721/
http://www.comicvine.com/jacob-greene/4005-6009/
http://www.comicvine.com/kim-suskind/4005-40889/
http://www.comicvine.com/william-leather/4005-1820/
http://www.comicvine.com/randall-dowling/4005-1821/

Captain Klep

His chin makes Bruce Campbell jealous.

Superheroes are common in American culture. However, Captain Klep is a British superhero parody. He orginally appeared in the comic Torando, but the strip was moved to 2000 AD. In each comic, he had one-page comic strips.
History
Captain Klep was born on the planet Klepton. However, he was raised on Earth in the town of Hicksville. He later moved to Miniopolis. After signing up with the Department of Heroes, he became a pofessional superhero and gained the alter ego of Clark Clep. However, his clumsiness and stupidity constantly interfere with his work. He fought the criminals the Beak and Jack Daw. He later appeared in the comic Dash Decent and met the main character (due to the comic being made by the same people).
Powers
Klep is described as being "faster than a mirco-wave oven, stronger than self-raising flour, able to cut time to a quarter". His ineptness tends to interfere him using these powers.
References:
http://www.comicvine.com/captain-klep/4005-54813/
http://britishcomics.wikia.com/wiki/Captain_Klep
http://britishcomics.wikia.com/wiki/Dash_Decent

Captain Airstrip-One

The Captain Britain Corps are a superhero team of alternate counterparts of the same person. They are recurring characters from the Captain Britain comic series. I wanted to talk about a minor member of the team.
History
Captain Airstrip-One (a.k.a. George Smith) was among the alternate reality counterparts of Captain Britain that attended Merlin's funeral. He met with the main Marvel universe Captain Britain and greeted him with "CapBrit! Doubleplusgood usmeet!". He congratulated him for stopping the "multiversal threat" of Mad Jim Jaspers. Captain AO was seen at a trial for a Captain Britain accused of breaking the moral code of the Corp.
Later, we saw Captain Airstrip-One in his own reality. On standard patrol, he punished a couple for being slow to get out of bed and tortured a boy for watching an illegal music video. He watched a parade (which was to celebrate video game rations increasing) at Victory Square. He met Thought Police member O'Brien (who was feeling philosophical), who told him "The purpose of power is power! How could it be otherwise? Imagine a boot stamping into a human forever!" Thinking this was an order, he imagined a literal boot stomping on a face. Captain Airstrip-One may been among the members of the Captain Britain killed by the Warpies and Mastermind.
Powers
Captain Airstrip-One has superhuman strength equal to the "main" Captain Britian. He can fly. He has also has superhuman-level senses.
References to Nineteen Eighty-Four
Captain Airstrip-One's reality is clearly modeled after George Owell's Nineteen Eighty-Four. He speaks Newspeak, a simplified form of English that the proles speak. O'Brien is a villain from the book and his speech to the Captain is paraphrased from the book. The face of Big Brother is seen. In the novel, Britain is named "Airstrip-One" (hence the character's name).
Sources:
http://www.marvunapp.com/Appendix/airstrip1cp.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Britain_Corps
http://marvel.wikia.com/George_Smith_(Earth-744)

Fight-Man

Behold, one of the laziest superhero names in existence.
History
Agent X was hired to kill Fight-Man. He shot Fight Man (who was sleeping) with a sniper rifle. However when he went to check the body, it wasn't there. After failing to shoot Fight-Man, Fight-Man tied up Agent X. He revealed he was a major superhero that isn't allowed to be near minors (due to getting fourteen sidekicks killed). After fighting his deranged and super-powered wife, he attempted to arrest Agent X, but his pants ripped and a building fell on him. Fight-Man swore to get revenge on Agent X.
Personality
Fight-Man wants to die, but his Superman-like powers (especially his invulnerability) prevents him from doing so. He has ton of superhuman memorabilia. He is highly moral. He refused to kill people, but is willing to have Agent X attempt to kill him. He is unwilling to hit women.
Powers
He has the basic Superman powers. He can fly at fast speeds. He seems to have limitless invulnerability. He has superhuman strength.
References:
http://www.comicvine.com/fight-man/4005-41302/

The Baffler

Our villain, ladies and gentlemen

What would the Riddler be like if he was an idiot? The Baffler!
Biography
Titus Czonka, a jackhammer operator, became a super villain to escape his average Joe lifestyle. Due to not being evil or very intelligent, he failed to succeed at anything. He teamed up the villain Cluemaster. After Cluemaster's compulsion to leave behind clues was cured, Czonka decided to become the Cluemaster-like villain the Baffler. Despite Cluemaster discouraging him, Czonka left cruddy pictures as clues to his plan. This led Spoiler (Cluemaster's superhero daughter) and Robin to defeat him. After escaping police custody and became the Baffler again, he decided to fight a "real" superhero in order to gain respect. He targeted Spoiler and Robin. Spoiler actually fell for his trap (thinking the clue was sent by a child). Robin was captured when attempting to find her. The Baffler was accidentally knocked out by some pipes when making a speech. Robin and Spoiler freed themselves and saved the Baffler since the building they were in was scheduled demolition. He briefly thought about becoming a hero, but didn't. During the Gotham Earthquake, the Baffler was among the prison escapees. However, Huntress was defeated him. Lock Up incarcerated the Baffler in Blackgate. Nightwing freed him and the other prisoners.
Powers and Abilities
The Baffler has no powers. Despite this, he is skilled at using machines and guns. He is also very strong. However, he is ineffective due to his "roller coaster self esteem" and stupidity.
References:
http://www.comicvine.com/baffler/4005-24279/

Saturday Morning Watchmen

Screenshot

Saturday Morning Watchmen is a viral video. It is a parody of cartoons of 1980s, which often omitted darker element of the source material. The video is supposedly the intro of a Saturday morning cartoon based on the graphic novel Watchmen.
Portrayals of the Characters
As part of the parody, the characters are portrayed in radically different ways than in the comic. These include:

• Nite Owl II- Nite Owl is the team leader. Here is  heroic and affective. In the comics, he is a timid and troubled man. In this version, he "loves to party down". 
• Rorschach- Here, he is the goofy and "nutty" comic relief. In the comics, he is a violent sociopath. He is said to be animal lover in stark contrast to the comic.
• Silk Spectre II- She is a pop singer similar to Jem and the Holograms.  Like in the comics, she hates the Comedian (although for different reasons). 
• Comedian- Comedian is shown as a fan of Silk Spectre. As such, he attempts (in vain) to get a kiss from her. In the comics, he is revealed to be her father.
• Bubastis- Unlike the comic (where Bub had a very small role), Bubastis is a member of the team. Bubastis is portrayed as a Scooby Doo-like, cowardly talking animal. Bubastis being in the team may be a reference how some cartoons tended to put the spotlight on otherwise unimportant characters.
• Doctor Manhattan- Jon is able to turn into a car (similar to Turbo Teen). He has also the power to give people cancer (a reference to Ozymandias' attempt to convince people that Jon caused cancer in people near him).
• Ozymandias- He is seen assembling the team after seeing danger on his wall of televisions (similar to X-Men). He seen helping out most notably saving the Comedian from falling to his death (when in the original he caused it).

Other elements from the graphic novel appear. The Crime Busters are called the "Watchmen". Archie (Nite Owl II's flying ship) is the Watchmen's mode of travel. The Squid Monster is a villain in the show. The Soviet Union (who was on the verge of causing World War III in the comic) sent two "Reds" to pollute a lake like Captain Planet villains. The Comedian's badge is the logo of the team. The doomsday clock appeared in the background in one of the fight scenes.
References:
http://watchmen.wikia.com/wiki/Saturday_Morning_Watchmen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDDHHrt6l4w
Watchmen trade paperback

B'wana Beast

The name "B'wana Beast"does not invoke terror. 

This guy has a bizarre super power.
Biography
Mike Maxwell, a ranger, had a helmet and exilir (which he had to repeatedly drink to take effect) that gave him powers. He use these to become the superhero B'wana Beast. His companion was a gorilla named Djuba. They worked out of a headquarters hidden on the top of Mount Killmanjaro.
Mike later appeared in Grant Morrison's Animal Man. He is attempted to rescue Djuba, who some scientists tested a biological weapon on. Despite attempting to kill several innocent people, B'wana was saved by Animal Man. As such, Mike was able to get the head scientist killed. Later, Mike retired and made Dominic Mndawe his successor. However, Mike became corrupted a "destructive force" called "Antagon" and was turned into the supervillain Shining Man. He was killed in the following battle. In the DC reboot's Justice League International, B'wana Beast is alive and was a rejected possible member for the team.
Powers and Abilities
B'wana Beast has above average speed and strength. He also was a skilled hand-to-hand combatant and hunter. He had the power to talk to animals.
However, his most notable power is to merge two animals into a chimera. With great concentration, Mike is able to affect humans with his power. He can control them in this state. He is also able undo the effect at will.
References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B%27wana_Beast
Vertigo Animal Man tradepaperback Volume 1

Hyper-Man

Here is another Superman stand-in. Who made this guy? DC Comics.
Biography
Chester King was from the planet Zoron. However since the planet was dying, he launched to another planet. In this case, he was sent to the planet Oceania (insert 1984 joke here) and was raised by the Kings, two natives of the planet. When he displayed super powers, he became the superhero Hyper-Boy and eventually Hyper-Man / Hyperman (it's spelt both ways). Superman discovered that Hyper-Man was dying due to being poisoned by Zoronite (his version of kryptonite). As such, Superman sabotaged Hyper-Man's superhero career so Hyper-Man could marry his girlfriend thus live the rest of his days happy.
Powers
He has similar powers to Superman's powers. He had super speed and strength, invulnerability, flight, various vision powers, super breath, super hypnotism and super ventriloquism. Zoronite was capable of killing him.
References:
http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Chester_King_(Earth-One)

Hyperion

King Hyperion

Hyperion is a Marvel Comic character based on Superman. However, Hyperion is an example of a captain ersatz (a TvTrope term for a character meant to be an obvious stand-in for another) having their character radically change within their history. By way, "Earth-[insert number]" refers to an alternate reality with Earth-616 being the "main" Marvel universe.
Squadron Sinister (Earth-616)
The Squadron Sinister was a group of villains based on the Justice League. As such, Hyperion was the Superman stand-in. The team was assembled by the Grandmaster to fight the Avengers as part of a bet with Kang. Later, they appeared in the Defenders comics, where the Hulk beat up Hyperion. He had a relationship with the warrior Thundra. He was summoned by Master Menace and told he is clone. He impersonated the good version of Hyperion, but was killed by the original. A resurrected evil Hyperion was a member of the Legion of the Unliving. A new Hyperion joined the Grandmaster's second Squadron Sinister. However, they were forced to flee when they were losing against the Thunderbolts.
Squadron Supreme (Earth-712)
In reality Earth-712, there was a heroic version of the Squadron Sinister called "the Squadron Supreme". This version had the alter ego of the journalist Mark Milton. He encountered the Avengers and Defenders. The Squadron took over the American government. A battle with the evil Hyperion blinded him. After a battle with the Redeemers (where his friend Nighthawk died), Hyperion relinquished control over America. The team was exiled to the "main" Marvel Universe. Hyperion regain his sight. After aiding the Avengers, the team returned to their universe. With the aid of the Exiles, the Squadron Supreme took down the corrupt government that took over America when they were gone.
Supreme Power (Earth-31916)
The Squadron Supreme had an mature-audience reboot. Now, Mark Milton is an alien who sent to Earth as a child. He was raised by the US government and fed propaganda. As an adult, he became a secret agent. However, the government had him go public to draw attention away from their other secret super-agent Joe Ledger. He teamed up Blur and Nighthawk to defeat Michael Redstone (a superhuman serial killer). Hyperion became delusion upon discovering he was lied to. As such, he rebelled. When the government attempted to blackmail him, he crashed into the South Pole causing a 10.5 earthquake.
There was a follow-up miniseries called Supreme Power: Hyperion. The government quickly formed a superhero team to retrieve Hyperion. However, the battle sent the fighters to what appeared to be an alternate universe. In this "universe", the team formed a dystopia that controlled the entire world. However, Emil Burbank discovered that this was actually the future, but told no one. As a result of these event, Hyperion began to rethink his values.
King Hyperion (Earth-4023)
In the Exiles comic series, a new version of Hyperion appeared. This version lyingly claimed he was a good guy. He attempted to kill the Thunderbolts, but was savagely beaten by Man Thing, Moonstone and Juggernaut (he was weakened by Argonite).
Zombie Hyperion (Earth-616)
A zombie Hyperion appeared as a member of a zombie version of the Squadrom Supreme. He was a clone of the original that didn't know he was one or how he got in the lab he was being grown in. As such, he went on rampage out of confusion. He died from Mad Cow disease (due to eating diseased cows).
Marvel NOW! (Earth-616)
In Avengers volume 5, a version of Hyperion appeared. Here, he is a survivor of a dying world. He was raised as Marcus Milton and taught morals by "Father". He was captured by A.I.M. until the Avengers freed him.
Powers
All Hyperions had similar powers. These powers were similar to Superman's. They have super strength, durability, flight, speed and stamina. In addition to his enhanced senses, he can see all of the electromagnetic spectrum. He use heat vision-like "atomic vision". However, exposure to argonite radiation will weaken his powers and vitality.
The Earth-712 version also had cosmic energy. This gave him longevity and regenerative powers.  He also was skilled journalist.
References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperion_(comics)
Squadron Supreme trade paperback

3-D Man

No 3D glasses required to read this post.
Chuck and Hal Chandler

The original

Chuck and Hal were brothers. Chuck was a test pilot. One day, he was captured the Skrulls (shapeshifting aliens). After escaping, he accidentally blew up the ship and was exposed to alien radiation. Chuck seemly died. However, Hal (Chuck's crippled brother) discovered by wearing the glasses he wore at the event he would summon Chuck as the superhero 3-D Man. 3-D Man fought Skrulls and the villain Cold Warrior.
For some reason, Hal decided to stopped summoning Chuck thus leaving him trapped int another dimension. Hal married Peggy Clark and had two characters. Bruce Banner once stole the glasses and summoned Hal when he feared the Hulk would emerge. 3-D Man was among the heroes summoned by the Grandmaster.
Delroy Garrett Jr.

The sequel

It turned out 3-D Man's powers came from one of the three "fragments of light". The power of one of the fragments was transferred to Chuck. Chuck found another one. Johathan Tremont attempted to assemble all three of them and attacked Chuck. He gave part of the power to Delroy Garrett Jr., a disgraced ex-athlete. Delroy (upon discovering the truth) turned on John. He returned Chuck to his human state and retained the powers. He was sent to the Initiative superhero training Camp Hammond and official took the name "3-D Man". Upon gaining Hal's glasses, he gained all the powers of the original 3-D Man. He helped during the Secret Invasion. Despite the glasses being destroyed, he somehow retained his powers.
Powers
Hal could summon 3-D Man while concentrating and wearing the special glasses. When 3-D Man was active, Hal would be comatosed. 3-D Man could only exist in our world for three hours. When not summoned, he existed in the second dimension.
3-D Man's mind is a synthesis of Chuck and Hal's consciounnesses. 3-D Man wore an alter NASA flight suit that was bonded to his skin. 3-D Man has three times the pyshical abilities and senses of a normal "extremely ... fit" (Wikipedia) human. He also had the ability to sense Skrulls. Delroy gained these powers, but didn't need to be summoned.
Chuck was a talented foorball player and expert pilot. Hal is a skilled scientific researcher. However, he needed glasses and crutches (the latter due to poliomyelitis).
References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3-D_Man

Justice Force

The Turtles, Stainless Steel Steve, Metal Head and Zippy Lad fighting Doctor Dome

Superheroes have become very prevalent. However, sometimes they appear in places you wouldn't expect. One example is the Justice Force, a superhero team from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
History
The Justice Force first appeared when they aided the turtles and Casey Jones fight their former member Doctor Dome. Years later, Michelangelo was hit by bus and found himself in a flying ambulance. The superhero Raptarr revealed he was being taken to a superhero hospital, Kurtzberg Memorial Hospital. There, Michelangelo met the retired JF member Zippy. Metal Head and Stainless Steel Steve saw the arrival the Ultroms (a race of aliens). Later, the duo interrogated Shadow's boyfriend, Jay, who was following her with a gun. However with the aid of the mind reader Breaunze, they discovered he was innocent. As such, they freed him and removed his memories of the event. The Justice Force members were at Splinter's funereal.
Members

• Doctor Dome- He left the team due to an argument over Bernice. Years later, he attempted to get revenge on the team. However after being criticized by Bernice's daughter, he was given a second chance and allowed to join again. 
• Captain Deadbolt- He had the power to make himself completely immobile. However during a John Travolta look-alike contest, he became stuck in this state. He is now kept in Zippy Lad's house. He may or may not be died.
• Stainless Steel Steve- He was the leader of the team. He had a metal-like saucer placed on his forehead. This allows him to smash through anything and withstand attack to his head.
• Zippy Lad- He has super speed. He is currently in a wheelchair. However, he can still use his powers despite this. 
• Battling Bernice- She was the token female member. She died prior to the first appearance of the team.
• Metal Head- He is a current retired superhero. He has "fluid metal" hair that he can manipulate.
• Joey Lastic- He has stretchy powers similar to Mister Fantastic and Plastic Man.  

References:
http://www.comicvine.com/justice-force/4060-57167/
Turtlepedia pages "Stainless Steel Steve", "Joey Lastic", "Zippy Lad", "Metal Head", "Dr. Dome", "Battling Bernice" and "Captain Deadbolt"

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty in Arkham

"Some people can put the pieces together so easily... ...but not me Mr. Fish. I try and I try, as hard as I can. But everything I touch falls apart." - Humpty Dumpty talking to Warren White

History
Humphry Dumpler (aka Humpty Dumpty) had an unfortunate life. He was forced to live with his abusive grandmother. He was constantly abused for his child-like mental state and appearance by his grandmother and others. This abuse and his obsession with fixing things caused him to go on crime where tried to fix things. His knowledge of how to do so came from books. However, he usually caused the "fixed" to break. When he broke a clock tower (and, in the process, unintentionally killing several people), Batgirl apprehended him. When she asked him why he had book of anatomy, he revealed his killed his grandmother in an attempt to "fix" her. As such, he was thrown into the Arkham Asylum. He became a model prisoner at the asylum. He befriended Warren White before Warren became Great White Shark. Humpty was among the villains in Luthor's Secret Society of Super Villains. Recently, he attempted to "fix" several dead bodies near a river.
References:
http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Humphry_Dumpler_(New_Earth)

Big Ben

"the man with no time for crime"?

Big Ben is a British superhero. The editor Dez Skinn, the editor of Warrior, had Alan Moore introduce Big Ben in his Marvelman strip. Apparently, Alan Moore didn't want to because Big Ben was portrayed in a negative light.
Biography
In Marvelman, Big Ben was a failed result of Project Zarathustra. He is portrayed as an idiot and suffered from psychotic hallucinations. After the Marvelman utopia is built, Ben, who was working with Marvelman, was put in a virtual reality simulator in order to cure his delusions. Upon being freed, he became the Hercules to Marvelman's Zeus.
In his own strip, Big Ben is portrayed differently. He is a spy that was experimented on by a lab he broke into. Due to being experimented on, he thinks he having adventures similar to the Avengers TV show. It turned out Big Ben is a Metamorph, a shape shifting alien. The Metamorphs made him crazy as part of invasion scheme. The strip ended before this can lead to anything.
Powers
Big Ben is super strong, durable and fast. He seems capable of flight. In his own strip, it turned out he is a shape shifting alien.
References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Ben_(comics)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dez_Skinn
http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/b/bigben.htm

Surrender Monkey

Here he is in his stereotypical glory!

Surrender Monkey at first may seem to be offensive stereotype. However unlike Egg Fu, Surrender Monkey is suppose to be a parody of these stereotypes.
Biography
Operation Camembert was a secret project with the goal to sway France's public to support America's war on the Iraq. Despite being trained, Brad Bently idiotically dressed up a French stereotype into order to blend in. Brad fell in love with French culture and went rogue. He became a superhero for France and joined the team Eurotrash. The team's goal was to kill Henrietta Hunter. However, X-Statix and Spiderman fought them. X-Statix killed all the member except Surrender Monkey.  He joined the "Church of the Naked Truth", a cult that beliefs clothes is wrong. Brad got a fragment of X-Statix member Droop's brain. He convinced a priest to try to sell it. However, the duo were exiled for donning clothes and Iron Man got the piece.
Powers And Abilities
Brad is a trained CIA agent. What this training consisted of is unknown since wasn't able to fight off X-Statix. His "greatest" ability is to know when to quit.
References:
http://www.comicvine.com/surrender-monkey/4005-55858/

4-D

4-D (on the left)

Biography
Lea Corben was one four soldiers that General Eiling experimented on. The soldiers gained superpowers hence Lea became 4-D. Elling tricked the four to attack the JLA. The quartet nearly killed them until Superman revealed Eiling had a brain tumor and the four were dying due to their powers. 4-D and her three teammate teamed with the JLA to fight Eiling. She later helped form the International Ultramarine Corps.
Powers and Abilities
4-D can access other dimensions. Via accessing the second dimension, she can be as flat as paper. By accessing the energies of the fourth dimension, she can give herself super strength.
References:
http://www.comicvine.com/4-d/4005-50401/
http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Lea_Corben_(New_Earth)

Crimison Cougar

I am vengeance. I am the night. I am the Crimision Cougar.

It's time to talk about Astro-City again.
History
Mitch Goodman was an actor that played Crimson Cougar, a minor character in the soap opera Tomorrow Dawn. He and his friends, Eric and Sully, managed to stop a criminal that was robbing a convenient store. Because he was in his Crimson Cougar costume, people assumed he was a superhero and he became a celebrity. At a supermarket singing, he beat up a one-time member of the villain group Pyramid who threatened him. His "P.R. guys" hyped it up as if he fought a "divison commander" of Pyramid. He was attacked by the supervillain group the Unholy Alliance, because he was a superhero. Despite being saved by the Honor Guard, Mitch nearly died. Mitch tried to convince the public that he could have died, but failed. After talking to his friends, he had Eric dress up a supervillain called Dark Centurion and beat him up. Thinking the Dark Centurion was a real villain, the public thought Mitch was a coward. As such, Mitch lost his rep and got fired. Despite this, Mitch decided to get another acting job.
Powers and Abilities
Mitch has no powers. However, he has stunt training. He is also a skilled actor. He skilled enough at fighting to take down two normal people, but enough not the supervillains in the Unholy Alliance.
References:
Astro City TPB "Local Heroes"

Excelsior / Loners

History
Excelsior was a teenage superhero support group founded by Mickey Musashi and Phil Urich, the only Green Goblin that was a hero. They recruited a team of several former heroes and met at a Los Angeles church. However, they were interrupted by a mysterious benefactor's phone call. Said benefactor offered them $1,000,000 if they got the Runaways "off the streets" (Marvel Wiki). This led to an issue of the Runaways, where the two teams met. The benefactor turned out to be Rick Jones, who attempted to make them continue to be superheroes. The member they though was Chamber was actually a spy.
Excelsior had its own miniseries. However, the team was renamed "the Loners" and the title of series was Loners as oppose to Excelsior. The team was now about attempting to help heroes addicted to their powers. They do so by having the members refraining each other from using their powers and live normal lives. The members were Lightspeed, Turbo, Spider-Woman, Ricochet, Darkhawk and Green Goblin. Despite the purpose of the team, many members "[fell] off the wagon" (Marvel Wiki) most notably Spider-Woman and Darkhawk. The Loners became a talk-group for adicted-powered people. They helped Darkhawk when he lost control of his armor. Some members have joined the Avengers Academy and become superheroes once more.
Members
The original members were:

• Darkhawk- Chris Powell gave up being a hero due to his nightmares becoming incredibly intense. He is short-tempered. In his Darkhawk form, he is more so.
• Green Goblin- Phil Urich is the fourth and only heroic Green Goblin. After losing his equipment, he went to college and founded Excelsior. He later worked Daily Bugle then for the Kingpin as Hobgoblin.
• Lightspeed- Julie Power was convinced her work with the Power Pack robbed her of her childhood. She moved Califorina at the age of 15. She is currently a teacher's assistant as the Avengers Academy.
• "Chamber"- The superhero Chamber seemingly joined. It turned out it wasn't Chamber. In reality, "Chamber" was Geoffrey Wilder, a spy for the Runaway enemies the Pride. He left the team after the truth was revealed.
• Turbo- Michiko "Mickey" Musashi is a ex-member of New Warrior. She helped found Excelsior along with Phil Urich. She has become an investigative journalism.
• Ricochet- Johnny Gallo is a former member of the Slingers. He is a mutant has had powers similar to Spider-Man. 

Later, several other members joined. Later members were:

• Namie- She was one of few characters to not have existed prior to the Loner group. However, it was hinted she has some form of ties to the rest of the Marvel Universe. It was reveal that she is a model UJ1-XD Red Ronin cyborg. 
• Spider-Woman- Mattie Franklin went to L.A. to star over and went to meetings fairly regularly. She left the team. She was captured by Ana Kraven and killed by Sasha Kraven.
• Hollow / Penance- She was a former member of Generation X.
• In War of Kings: Darkhawk issue 1, there are three unnamed members. 

References
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loners
http://marvel.wikia.com/Loners_(Earth-616)

Snow Flame

Snow Flame in the foreground

Along time ago, I mentioned the superhero team New Guardians. However, the main reason their series is remembered was because of an one shot villain: Snowflame!
New Guardians
Snow Flame's only official appearance was New Guardians issue 2. Snow Flame was the leader of a Colombian drug cartel. While Snow Flame defeated the Guardians at first, heroes shoved into a chemical shack that exploded (due to his flames). This seemed to kill him.
www.snowflamecomic.com
Snow Flame became popular due to the villain's hammy speeches (at one point he claimed cocaine was his god) and bizarre powers. As such, Julie Sydor created a fan webcomic about the character. Oddly, webcomic Snow Flame thinks drugs are the key to salvation. In the original comic, he is evil and sells drugs for money.
Julie gave Snow Flame a backstory. Fabian Orozco was a sober Colombian drug dealer. However, he was chosen by the "Goddess of Cocaine" to spread the glory of drugs. As such, the Goddess turned him into Snowflame.
In the actual webcomic, Snow Flame was captured by Green Arrow, Batman and Raven. He was locked in the Arkham Asylum. The heroes discovered his backstory due to a confession by Fabian. When the asylum was flooded with the Scarecrow's fear gas, he teamed up with heroes to try save the innocent people there.
Powers
In both versions, Snow Flame gains super strength, speed and resistance of pain when using drugs. When using his powers, his body generate flames. The reason for this is never explained. In the webcomic, Fabian becomes Snow Flame when he take drugs. When Snow Flame becomes weakened enough, he becomes Fabian again.
References:
Atop the Fourth Wall episode "New Guardians # 2"
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Webcomic/Snowflame
http://www.comicvine.com/snowflame/4005-73164/
http://www.snowflamecomic.com
http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Snowflame_(New_Earth)

Slingers

Clockwise: Dusk (bottom left), Hornet, Prodigy and Ricochet 

History
During a storyline called "Identity Crisis", Spider-Man (who had a million-dollar bounty on his head) adopted four other super identity. After the storyline, Spider-Man discarded the costumes. Black Marvel, a Golden Age superhero, gained the suits. He gave four youths the costume and made them into superheroes. They made brief cameo in Contest of Champions II and New Warriors. The team discovered Black Marvel made a Faustian deal with Mephisto for the costumes. The team broke away from, but later came back to free his soul. They disbanded after Black Marvel died. A couple of the members appeared in Runaways. A brainwashed Wolverine killed Hornet. Prodigy sided with Captain America in the Marvel Civil War, but was imprisoned. Prodigy attempted to reunite the team.
Members

• Dusk- Cassie St. Commons was the daughter of rich parents. Dusk has the ability to teleport, manipulate shadows and the ability to sense her teammates' whereabouts. While Hornet had feeling for her, she had feelings for Johnny Gallo.
• Hornet- Eddie McDonough was an Empire State University freshman with cerebral palsy. His suit gives the ability to fly at high speeds, super strength and counteract his cerebral palsy. He has wrist blasters that fire knock out darts and lasers. He was killed by Wolverine.
• Prodigy- Ritchie Gilmore was the team leader and a wrestler. His costume gave him super strength, jumping and durable. Despite losing his power at the end of the series, he has them later on. He begrudgingly join the Initiative. He became a motivational speaker.
• Ricochet- Johnny Gallo was a mutant. He had super agility, reflexes and has the ability to sense danger. He uses throwing disks (which later became "gimmick" disks with special abilities). He has a dead mom and an uncaring dad. He joined a "teenage superhero recovery group" called "Excelsior".

References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slingers

Vault of Obscurity

I like to talk about obscure characters. However, some have too little history to have a post on them. As such, this will be anthology of these characters.
Purple Purposeless

Purple explaining his credo

Esteban Rojas was a solider sent to Vietnam. He was exposed to Agent Orange gas. This marked the point his life went down the tube. As such, Esteban decided to a "sub-hero", a hero that resist the urge to help people, and took the name "Purple Purposeless". He met Doom Patrol member Shyleeen Lao at a hospital. Staying true to his modus operandi, he did nothing.
Red, White and Blue

(Left to Right) Red, White and Blue

"Red" Dugan, "Whitey" Smith and "Blooey" Blue were three friends that served in one of the three branches of the military. I have no idea why they have these nicknames since they don't wear clothes that match the nicknames or have hair colors that do so (only Red does). Red joined Army Intelligence. Whitey joined the Army. Blooey joined the Navy. Despite this, they often went to adventures with each other. They were helped by Agent Doris West. Red, White and Blue haven't appeared after the World War 2-era.
Captain Universe

The Super Marvel

Jim Logan was a researcher for the United Nations Interplanetary Division. Through his research, he gained his abilities. When he says "Galap", he becomes the super strong Captain Universe. He later appeared as a member of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen's Seven Stars team.
References:
http://www.comicvine.com/the-purple-purposeless/4005-4099/
http://www.comicvine.com/fever/4005-4080/
http://www.toonopedia.com/rwb.htm

Fighting American

Fighting American was a superhero created by Jack Kirby and Joe Simon (the creators of Captain America). The duo first had FA be a serious hero that fought communists. However after when it become clear McCarthy was "damaging innocent Americans" (Joe Simon), they turned the Fighting American into a parody.
Character History
Nelson Flagg was the younger brother of Johnny Flagg, an athletic war hero. When Johnny became outspokenly anti-Communist, he was killed. Nelson decided to hunt down the murderers. In "Project Fighting American", Johnny's life force / mind was transferred to a superhero body. He assumed Johnny's identity and became the superhero Fighting America to fight Communists. An unnamed teenager became his sidekick Speedboy.
Later Verisons
DC Comics had a six-issue miniseries about Fighting America. This was created by Dave Rawson, Pat McGreal (writers) and Greg LaRocque (art). Here FA is an ex-radio host wanting to avenge the death of his brother.
Awesome Entertainment gave the Fighting American a two-issue miniseries. The script was originally intended for Captain America for the "Heroes Reborn", but that didn't work out. In the comics, the Fighting America was an out-of-work superhero and trying to cope with the death of his partner.
There have been talk of a Dynamite Entertainment miniseries.
References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fighting_American

Vext

Titular Character

Vext is a six-issue miniseries. The plot revolves around the deity Vext being exiled to Earth. After the series ended, the series was reprinted in Italian Lobo comics as back-up feature.
Overview
Vext is the "mishap and misfortune" deity for the Jejune Realm. Because of his title, he (uncontrollably) causes bad luck. He unintentionally caused the sinking of the Titanic and the Fall of Man. Due to a mess up in the celestial bureaucracy, Vext was sent to a randomly chosen realm: Earth. He was given some funds, but almost no training to adapt to Earth life.
On Earth, Vext is not allowed affect humanity's path thus he cannot become a superhero or take over humanity. Vext rents apartment room 4-A. His neighbor, Colleen McBride, attempts to help Vext adjust (although she doesn't know he is a god for most of the series). Vext also has to deal with the error-proned DMV. In a rare moment of luck, Vext accidentally ate an army of microorganisms and killed them due to his alien body thus saving many people.
Throughout the series, there is a running subpolt. This invovles an adventurers and his assistants. They are murderous jerks that are attempting to gain power by exploiting minor deities. They spent a good chunk of their time dealing the "God of Inappropriate Flatulence".
Jejune Relam Gods
The Jejune Realm Gods are deities with unusual domains (such as deja vu and loose pocket change). The gods were revealed in Vext issues 1 and 4; and DCU Heroes Secret Files and Origins issue 1. In Vext issue 1, we met Aaron Caldwell (who becomes the god of ill-timed farts in issue 5), uninvited guest god Bargyn, Blazon (god of "inappropriate exhibitionism"), insincere apology god Placatius, endless procrastination god Moxcatyl, Shrike M'ota (god of vigor-less shrews), Yammar (deity of needless nagging) and windbag god Tedyum. In issue 4, we see Garb'l Arb'l (god of endless "social fuctions"), loose pocket change god J-Angla, and Rypta Gud'n (who was the original ill-timed fart god, but gave up his job in Vext issue 5 and became mortal). In DCU Heroes Secret Files and Origins issue 1, we meet prom night pimple deity Erupt'n, deja vu god Ekko, Vext himself and Textacl (gods of husands whose wives cheated on them).
References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vext

Top 7 Legion of Super-Heroes Rejects That Shouldn't Have Been Rejects

A recurring motif in the Legion of Super-Heroes comics is having a comedic relief scene where people with bizarre and useless powers and abilities attempt to join the Legion, but fail. However, every now and then there is one of these guys that actually seem useful, but is rejected anyway. So, I made a list of the top seven of these rejects that could have been useful than the writers thought.
7) Storm Boy (from Earth)

Storm Boy being called on his lack of powers

One rule of the Legion is that each member must have one power. This power cannot come from a piece of technology. As such, when Storm Boy used a machine to control the weather, he was rejected.
Why shouldn't he be rejected? He was able to make a machine that controls the weather. The whole rule of "you must have one power" is dumb since heroes like Batman and Green Lantern couldn't be allowed to join despite their usefulness. While SB did lie to them (saying he had actual powers), the Legion never called him on it. Also, Karate Kid was allowed to joined despite having no powers. So, why not Storm Boy?
6) Ron-Karr (from Neptune)

Displaying his powers

Ron's ability is to flatten his body like all Neptunians. His power was rejected for being "not... helpful" enough (according to Saturn Girl). How could this power be useful? He could slide under closed doors. Even if Ron can't move when flatten, another Legionnaire (the term for a LSH member) could push him in. He could flatten his body to avoid projectiles.
5) Color Kid (from Lupra)

He is a colorful fellow.

He has the ability to change the color of anything at will. When he attempted to join the Legion, he was rejected for being useless. However, he could use this ability to make object blend in their surrounding or obscure the controls for weapons being used by the villains.
4) "Camera Boy" (Planet of Origin Unknown)

His sole appearance

Not all of the rejects are given names. So, I just made up the name for this fellow. In Adventure Comics issue 307, a guy, with a cyclopian eye, showed off his ability to project any image he saw like a projector. He was rejected since these images would be useless in court.
However, he could still have been useful. He could act a scout and use his power to show the Legion what is ahead. He could replay "footage" of fight for the Legion to analyze. Also, he could be useful on movie night.
3) Fortress Lad (from Fwang)

That costume is really goofy

He had the ability to transform into a shelter. He could be useful since people can enter his shelter form. As such, they have a base regardless of where ever they go. Also, he could protect his allies from enemy projectile.
2) Legion of Super-Rejects Members

(left to right) Micro Lad, Magno Lad, Esper Lass,
Phantom Lad, Calorie Queen, Chameleon Kid

Calorie Queen (from Bismoll), Esper Lass (from Titan), Chameleon Kid (from Durla), Magno Lad (from Braal), Phantom Lad (from Bgtzl) and Micro Lad (from Imsk) were all rejected for having the same powers as people that were already Legion members. Aside from the fact that rule makes no sense in the context of the LSH universe, Superboy, Supergirl, Mon-El and Ultra-Boy all have overlapping powers and no one complains about that. Also, Calorie Queen's powers aren't the same as Matter-Eater Lad (whose powers hers are similar to) since she becomes super strong when she eats.
1) Polar Boy (from Tharr)

Did we say "REJECTED" enough?

Even accepting all the rules I mentioned, there still is no reason Polar Boy should have been rejected. Due to his planet's tendency of becoming dangerously near the system's sun, Polar Boy has the ability to generate cold. However, he was rejected because his power "might... disable [a Legion member] at a critical moment" (Sun Boy). Polar Boy displayed no trouble controlling his powers and the same logic could be used against Sun Boy's powers.
References:
http://www.cosmicteams.com/legion/docs/legion-rejects.htm
http://www.cosmicteams.com/legion/docs/legion-of-subs.htm
http://www.comicvine.com/calorie-queen/4005-28488/
Superboy issue 212
Showcare Presents Legion of Super-Heroes volume 1